Asshole You Are!

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Yes, you read the title correctly. Is there a shopping cart where you were about to park and so now you have to get out of your car to move it or look for another spot? Is your neighbor driving you nuts again? Did you leisurely drive end up aggravating you because it seems no one knows how to drive? Can’t get out of the elevator because everyone is rushing in?

The reality is the world has changed. We are more self-absorbed than ever and technology has caused us to pay less attention to our surroundings, if not each other. It seems you cannot go one day without dealing with an a**hole who can’t seem to follow society’s simple rules on proper etiquette. But, instead of getting angry and increasing your blood pressure, why not laugh about it?

Do you have a family member that speaks loud enough into their cell phone that everyone can hear them? Is your friend one of those people that every time they post on social media, you ask yourself WTF? Are you one of those people that answers their cellular phone as you are paying the cashier to let your friend know you are paying the cashier? Then make fun of your family, friend, and more importantly, yourself. Laughter is the best medicine, unless of course, your friends are laughing at you.

Excerpt:

Are you a tailgater? No, I’m not talking about at sporting events, that’s a different kind of asshole that I will talk about later. I’m talking about the tailgaters while driving. This is one of the simplest and most important ones because of safety concerns. Stop doing it!

You aren’t Jeff Gordon and never will be. Tailgating is fine on a race track amongst professionals, it is not fine in the suburbs! Only idiots and assholes tailgate! Which one do you want to be?

*****

Got to love Facebook. I especially like the ones that are always creating drama for no reason at all other than to seek attention? Maybe they are just trying to cover up their own insecurities. These people are not only dramatic and need professional help, but… well you know what they are…

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These “drama queens” and by that term I am not referring to women only. There are plenty of men out there that are very dramatic. These serial posters are probably the same ones that seem to constantly be posting memes on this “invisible war” that are battling. What war? Are you a soldier? You live in suburbia and drive a mini-van and you hold a 9 to 5 job! War is for soldiers! You? You are experiencing life like the rest of us! Get used to it! You aren’t a bad ass with survival skills learned in the concrete jungle! You are an asshole!

Since I’m still on the subject of Facebook, let’s talk a moment about selfies. I understand it. Seriously. But, some selfies shouldn’t exist and this applies to both men and women. You have kids! Your kids are on your Facebook page. Why are you showing your breasts, taking shots, or attempting a Marilyn Monroe pose? By the way, Monroe was a great many things, including a slut and pill popper. Stop making her seem on social media as she was the female version of Albert Einstein.  Let’s not even discuss the duck lips! And still sucking in your stomach? LOL! The only thing funnier than that is those that get the same pics you tagged them in and use an app to make themselves skinner. Let’s not forget to run filters on that pic. Then you wonder why your “Facebook friends” don’t recognize you when they see you for the first time. If they happen to recognize you, the second you walk away they are talking about how many filters you must have used on your profile pic. And guys, put on a shirt. No one cares to see your pecs. That also includes walking around in society without a shirt on. Unless you are at the beach, there is no excuse not to be wearing a shirt! Then you wonder why you cannot meet a nice girl. And make sure you are not taking more selfies than a woman. That is just pathetic. You are too old for an Adonis Complex. And if you do not know what that is, “Google” it.

Of course, you just bought your kids a front row seat to the circus you call your life and then at some point you wonder why they took the wrong route in life. When that happens, call me. I’d be happy to explain it to you. Asshole.

 

COLLAPSE

One thought on “Asshole You Are!

  • January 14, 2018 at 7:51 am
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    funny as hell. nothin like sarcasm!

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